The first after: Reality check!!!

The First After: Reality Check

I don’t think there’s any good way to prepare yourself for brain surgery.

I knew it would be serious. I knew recovery wouldn’t be easy. But if I’m being completely honest… I still underestimated just how hard this would be.

One of the things that makes this whole experience feel especially surreal is that I went into surgery with zero neurological symptoms. Other than knowing the tumor was there, I felt completely normal. I could work, drive, think clearly, do everything I always do without any problem.

And then I woke up from surgery with some pretty significant neurological deficits, including the loss of use of my left side.

That has been the hardest part so far. Not the surgery itself, not the hospital stay… but the reality of coming out of it different than I went in.

Right now I’m in inpatient rehab, working every day on getting my strength and coordination back. The therapists here are amazing, and I am making progress, but it is not coming anywhere near as fast as I would like. If you know me at all, you know patience has never been my strongest quality, and this experience is forcing me to learn it whether I want to or not.

I want everyone to know that I am okay.

But this is, without a doubt, the hardest thing I have ever been through.

Recovery is going to take time, and honestly, I don’t know exactly what that will look like yet. The goal is a full recovery, and that’s what we’re working toward, but right now there are still a lot of unknowns. That’s been a humbling thing to accept for someone who is used to being very independent and very in control of my life.

I also want to say that if I haven’t responded to messages, texts, or calls, I truly apologize. Screen time is really hard for me right now, and my brain gets overwhelmed a lot faster than I expected. On top of that, I seem to be a lot more emotional than usual, which is definitely new territory for me. Please know it’s not that I don’t appreciate the support — it just takes more energy than I have some days.

What I do know is that I am incredibly grateful.

For the doctors who got me through surgery.

For the rehab team helping me get stronger every day.

For my family and friends who have shown up in every possible way.

And for all the messages, prayers, meals, and support that people have given without hesitation.

It means more than I can explain, especially on the days that feel really hard.

Right now I just need patience — from other people, and from myself.

This isn’t a quick bounce-back situation, and I’m learning to take it one day at a time whether I like it or not.

I fully plan to keep fighting my way back to normal.

It’s just going to take a little longer than I thought.

And that’s okay. Even if it doesn’t always feel like it.